Author Archive
No Proof To “Fear of Public Speaking – Book of Lists”!
The oft-quoted statement that people fear public speaking more than they fear death, or that the Book of Lists rates the fear of public speaking as one of the top-ten fears, is awfully difficult to prove. I have been looking for the actual statistic for some time as a speaking/presentation skills coach and trainer and cannot find the specific, direct reference.
I've searched Amazon, the library, Books in Print, all kinds of advanced Internet searches, the Census Bureau, and asked a lot of coach, speaker, trainer, and author colleagues to no avail. "No one" seems to have the direct statistical reference to this claim.
While public speaking fears are real because I see and hear plenty of people quiver, shake, sweat, and otherwise exhibit nervousness or outright phobia, the quoted statistics that "experts" use (including me, until now) is difficult to find. I question whether the statistic really exists!
As I research a completely different point while writing a program description for a workshop I will give in a few months I find THESE supportive statements attesting to the "can't find this statistic" result. Wow! I'm not alone in my search. I vow to not make the statement that people fear public speaking more than death ever again! At least, my intention is not to do so. If any of you are ever in my programs, hold me to this.
Networking Follow-Up: Set A Date
When you attend a networking event and exchange business cards, if you meet someone with whom you really want/need to follow up…do it right away.
"Let's get together to see if there is any synergy for partnering or doing business together" may sound like a pickup line. (Anyone heard, "Hey baby…what's your sign"?.) Yet if you really think there is a win-win opportunity by pursuing the connection, go back to the office (or open your e-mail service on your mobile device) and send a note right away. Include how you met the connection in your "subject" line or first few characters of your text message. Then send two-to-three open dates you have in the next 2 weeks from which the new connection can pick.
They will be impressed that you contacted them right away. Most people say, "Let's get together", then never follow-up. We get used to that happening and are pleasantly surprised when they do follow-up. So YOU be the one who pleasantly surprises someone. It makes a positive impression that you are serious about taking action.
The other person then has to put up or shut up – either of which lets you know where they are coming from. If all are serious about the follow-up, settle on an exact date, time, location, and what you hope will be accomplished for the benefit of BOTH of you. Then get the appointment onto your calendar so you don't forget!
Listening Skills_01
When was the last time you listened to someone? I mean, really listened instead of simply hearing them? We are so inundated with information and messages during the course of our days that we’ve become immune to really listening.
Practice your listening skills the next time someone speaks to you using these techniques.
- Listen actively. Maintain eye contact with the person speaking to you.
- Participate enthusiastically. Ask questions and pay attention to the answers before you formulate your own response.
- Show that you are listening. Lean slightly forward. Nod your head periodically. Smile.
- Wait for the other person to finish speaking. Avoid interrupting them.
- Be in the moment. Avoid thinking of the five other things you should be doing while the person is speaking.
If you do not have time to listen at the moment, politely excuse yourself and say so. Do not make it a habit, though. The next time, you may find yourself needing someone to listen to you.
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(c) Sylvia Henderson. Springboard Training. This is an article from Sylvia's syndicated column "Cycle Therapy". For monthly personal & professional development and success skills learning resources, join as a member of Subscribe2Succeed.
Job Interview Gaffs: Actual Responses to Interview Questions
Hiring managers were asked by CareerBuilder to share the wildest things they have heard from applicants in interviews. Here are a few of their responses. They are actual responses managers received-not imaginary. While they may bring a laugh or eye-roll to you, the lesson is to avoid such responses when YOU are in the "hot seat".
Interview question: Why did you leave your last job?
Response: "I have a problem with authority."
—–o—–
Q: Tell us about a problem you had with a co-worker and how you resolved it.
R: "The resolution was we were both fired."
—–o—–
Q: Why should we hire you?
R: "I would be a great asset to the events team because I party all the time."
—–o—–
Q: Do you have any questions?
R: "What do you want me to do if I cannot walk to work if it's raining? Can you pick me up?"
R: "Can we wrap this up fairly quickly? I have someplace I have to go."
R: "What is your company's policy on Monday absences?"
R: "If this doesn't work out can I call you to go out sometime?"
R: "How big do the bonuses really get once you make associate? I hear it's some serious cash."
R: "If I get an offer, how long do I have before I have to take the drug test?"
R: "So, how much do they pay you for doing these interviews?"
—–o—–
Q: Why are you leaving your current job?
R: "I was fired from my last job because they were forcing me to attend anger management classes."
—–o—–
Q: Why are you looking for a job?
R: "Cigarettes are getting more expensive, so I need another job."
R: "My parents told me I need to get a job so that is why I'm here."
—–o—–
Q: Why do you want to work for us?
R: "Just for the benefits."
R: "I saw the job posted on Twitter and thought, why not?"
—–o—–
Q: What are your weaknesses?
R: "I often oversleep and have trouble getting out of bed in the morning."
R: "I'm really not a big learner. You know … some people love learning and are always picking up new things, but that's just not me."
—–o—–
Q: When have you demonstrated leadership skills?
R. "Well my best example would be in the world of online video gaming. I pretty much run the show; it takes a lot to do that."
—–o—–
Q: When can you start?
R: "I need to check with my mom on that one."
—–o—–
Q: Use three adjectives to describe yourself.
R. "I hate questions like this."
Just query your Internet browser for "interview gaffs". You'll find a lot more!
Is it Noon, or just 12:00PM?
How do you indicate the time for "Noon" and "Midnight"? This interesting question – and the ensuing answers – appeared on a recent forum to which I belong. I have wondered for years whether to note "12:00 P.M." or "12:00Noon". Since success language is as much about our writing skills as it is about our speaking skills and how we present ourselves, I think the researched responses to the question are worthy of noting here.
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12:00 Noon – Correct Way to Say
Garner's Modern American Usage Guide states that neither am nor pm is correct. Use Noon (for middle of day) and Midnight (for end of the day).
Wikipedia has a lengthy article, providing both sides of the story.
The word "meridies" means noon or midday. It is, strictly speaking, illogical to refer to noon as either "12 a.m." (12 ante meridiem, 12 hours before noon) or as "12 p.m." (12 post meridiem, 12 hours after noon). On the other hand, midnight could logically be called either "12 p.m." (12 post meridiem, 12 hours after the previous noon) or "12 a.m." (12 ante meridiem, 12 hours before the following noon); "x a.m." no longer literally means "x hours before noon", but "x hours into the day but before noon" or "x th hour before noon".
The National Maritime Museum, Greenwich, states: To avoid confusion, the correct designation for twelve o'clock is 12 noon or 12 midnight. Alternatively, the twenty-four-hour-clock system may be used. The abbreviation a.m. stands for ante-meridiem (before the Sun has crossed the line) and p.m. for post-meridiem (after the Sun has crossed the line). At 12 noon the Sun is at its highest point in the sky and directly over the meridian. It is therefore neither "ante-" nor "post-".
The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language (Fourth Edition, 2000): "Strictly speaking, 12 a.m. denotes midnight, and 12 p.m. denotes noon, but there is sufficient confusion over these uses to make it advisable to use 12 noon and 12 midnight where clarity is required."
The use of "12:00 a.m." for midnight and "12:00 p.m." for noon, however, is contrary to the U.S. Government Printing Office Style Manual which recommends the opposite: "12 p.m." for midnight and "12 a.m." (formerly "12 m.") for noon.
The NIST style guide recommends that it is clearest if one refers to "noon" or "12:00 noon" and "midnight" or "12:00 midnight" (rather than to "12:00 p.m." and "12:00 a.m.", respectively). Other style guides suggest "12:00 n" for noon and "12:00 m" for midnight, but that conflicts with the older tradition of using "12:00 m" for noon (Latin meridies), and "12:00 mn" for midnight (Latin media nox).
The Canadian Press Stylebook (11th Edition, 1999, page 288) says, "write noon or midnight, not 12 noon or 12 midnight." Phrases such as "12 a.m." and "12 p.m." are not mentioned at all.
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How is this for everything you (might) want to know about "Noon"? I think I'll take a lunch break!
IM NT UR BZNS WRTG STL
When I was a child I watched my mother-who was a head secretary in a public school-write using a technique called Gregg shorthand. This writing technique involved using symbols that appeared to me as squiggly lines to represent words and phrases. Using shorthand enabled my mother and secretaries like her to record dictation quickly. They then transcribed their shorthand notations into full sentences.
When I was in college I used a different form of shorthand that involved using a few letters to represent whole words and phrases-for example, "t" = "the"; "nt pft" = "net profits" in accounting class. As my mother's shorthand in a previous generation, my shorthand enabled me to take extensive notes in class. I then transcribed those notes when I returned to the dorm.
Generations entering the workplace today use something very similar to shorthand. The shorthand is the writing style used for text messaging and instant messaging. One or more letters and numbers represent entire sentences. This writing style is natural for a generation of people raised in an instant messaging / digital download / portable text device era. The writers understand each others' abbreviations and symbols used in this writing style. The challenge comes in transferring text messaging skills to the professional environment.
There is little use for the text message abbreviated writing styles in the professional world. The only time I can think such style is appropriate is when an individual makes his or her own abbreviated notes they will later transcribe to full prose. If you are a proficient text message writer and this is what you learned and mastered as a communicator, you must develop professional writing skills for business communications.
Fill the gap in your writing skills through on-the-job writing skills training or through writing classes outside the workplace. Poor writing skills demonstrate a lack of professionalism. Writing skills take time to develop.
Seek to learn, improve, and constantly practice writing skills. If your writing is unintelligible to-or difficult to read by-the reader, your message will not be received. Writing skills are part of effective communications. Without strong communication skills you find yourself behind others with strong skills for hiring, professional advancement, business growth, and gaining opportunities to succeed in life.
Shorthand-and abbreviated writing-has its place. Its place is not as a written communications skill in the professional work environment.
How People Manage Stress: Stats
So, how do we tend to manage the unavoidable stress we experience every day in our lives? Here are responses to a survey by the American Psychologcal Association in their "Stress in America" report:
- Listen to music: 52%
- Exercise or walk: 47%
- Read: 44%
- Spend time with friends / family: 41%
- Watch television / movies (2+hours/day): 41%
- Take naps: 38%
- Play video games / surf Internet: 37%
- Pray / internalize faith: 37%
- Eat: 34%
- Spend time on hobbies: 30%
- Drink alcohol: 18%
- Shop: 18%
- Smoke: 16%
- Play sports: 9%
- Enjoy a spa treatment: 9%
- Meditate or practice yoga/similar: 8%
- Do nothing: 8%
- Gamble: 4%
- Play with / care for pets: 1%
- Gardening: 1%
- Take no action to help manage stress: 8%
Refer to the source for survey validity, details, etc. I find the above list interesting as an introductory talking point in my life-balance workshops and am encouraged at the top three items. They are considerably healthier alternatives to some of the others and reflect a change over time in how we manage stress. "In the olden days", smoking, drinking, and other more destructive behaviors prevailed.
Source: "Stress in America", the American Psychological Association.
Honest Communications – Examples
Video "shorts" of skills related to communicating honestly (from Stephen Gaffney).
High-Class Insults: When Language Had “Class”
From a post on another professional member list to which I subscribe…
These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words…not to mention waving middle fingers.
You have to think about what they say in order to "catch" the insult. Brilliant! You don't know you've been insulted until AFTER you've been so wronged. Enjoy.
"He had delusions of adequacy." – Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." – Winston Churchill
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." – Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." – Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." – William Faulkner
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." – Moses Hades
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." – Abraham Lincoln
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." – Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." – Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend. If you have one." – George Bernard Shaw
"I Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… If there is one." – Winston Churchill, in response to the above insult.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." – Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." – John Bright
"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." – Samuel Johnson
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." – Jack E. Leonard
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." – Robert Redford
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." – Thomas Brackett Reed
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." – Forrest Tucker
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." – Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." – Oscar Wilde
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." – Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." – Groucho Marx
Grab Opportunities That Open To You, And Encourage Others
Many of you have heard the term or seen the movie "pay it forward." The book "Go Giver" is about a sales executive showing a young salesperson how doing things for others opens opportunities for yourself, as long as you do not expect personal reward.
I am having a wonderful time watching the evolution of a television program born from grabbing an opportunity. And actually, my own show was also born from an opportunity.
NOTE HERE: Before you e-mail me to help you get your own TV show, don't! I cannot "get you a show."
OK. Here's how grabbing opportunities caused unintended paying forwards.
I was interviewed on a TV program called "It's A Woman's World." The host is Carolyn Bruna, a colleague of mine in the National Speakers Association. She interviewed me for her program, and that was that. What she could not predict was that I LIKED IT! A few months later I learned that the studio was reevaluating its programming and seeking new hosts. I grabbed the opportunity, pitched my program idea, negotiated terms and conditions, and voila! I have my own show – "Think About It!". Carolyn provided the opportunity by introducing me to the studio and people who run it; I took it from there.
Now I watch a TV program that began with an opportunity. The hosts took it from there.
I interviewed, over time, all three of these hosts on my program. However one, I believe, first grabbed the opportunity and enlisted the other two in the plan. All I did was interview Steve Dorfman. He reached out and met the studio personnel, establishing a relationship. A networking event, a proposal, and some meetings with studio management–Steve (DrivenTo Excel) sheparded the process with his co-hosts "Chef Tony" Marciante and Glenn Garnes, and the result is "We Mean Business."
The moral of this story: When you see opportunity, grab it. And when you are in a position to create opportunity for someone else, encourage it and be happy for them grabbing it. Neither Carolyn nor I were intentionally providing opportunities for television shows. My show and Steve /Tony/Glenn's shows are results of grabbing opportunities we saw ourselves. Yet, the result is the same. Thanks to one opportunity we are all doing something we enjoy – and something that helps others through the information we provide. We may not be doing this if we had not grabbed the opportunity.
It's not "luck." It's "initiative."