Right Writeful Style Guide (Tongue-In-Cheek)

A friend sent this to me. If this makes you laugh, then you "get" it and already understand rules for writing well. If the following does not make you smile, then grab a copy of the Chicago Manual of Style or an online facsimile and start studying. I suggest you keep a dictionary, thesaurus, style guide, and instant word guide readily available anyway. I use all of these – hard copy and online – constantly. Enjoy!

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How to Write Good
(A Tongue-In-Cheek Style Guide for Writing Good)

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
3. The adverb always follows the verb.
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. Remember to never split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren't necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalize.
11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. Be more or less specific.
15. Understatement is always best.
16. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
18. The passive voice is to be avoided.
19. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
20. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

To be continued…